Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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