YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
