these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
