I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize