You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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