My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
