your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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