My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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