worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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