after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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