dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
