Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
