Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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