..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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