Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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