We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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