Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
