You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
