I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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