I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
