Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
