Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
