apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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