is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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