return my video game
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
