She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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