I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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