Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
