We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize