Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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