I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
