Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it because I queefed?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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