that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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