How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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