As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
