Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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