You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
