LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
