I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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