I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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