She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
