I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
