I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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