I'm so fucking centered right now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
