I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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