He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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