I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
