One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
