Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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