drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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