when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
