I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
