So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
