My first STD was from a foam party
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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