im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize