He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
