I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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