if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
