Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
