yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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