After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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