did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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