He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
