I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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