Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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