it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
